dickfiguresfandomcom-20200223-history
Kung Fu Winners
Kung Fu Winners is the 30th episode of Dick Figures and the Season 3 Finale . Plot When ninja a-holes steal Blue's girlfriend, Red's called in to defuse the situation -- WITH MOTHERF***ING JUMP KICKS. Transcript (Blue and Pink are walking outside of a Chinese store.) Pink: Wow, Blue, I've never been to Chinatown before. I always knew you were cultural. Blue: Hong Kong. Pink: So where are we eating? Blue: Oh, you know, just a little place called The Golden Lotus Dragon. Pink: (enthusiastically) The Golden Lotus Dragon? Blue: Yup, best "cho mien" in the whole city. Pink: What's "cho mien"? Blue: That's Chinese for spaghetti. (Shows a menu emphasizing "CHOW MEIN" as a gong sounds.) (Time lapse. Blue and Pink approach the restaurant.) Blue: Check this out. Pink: It looks so ornate. Blue: I believe it's pronounced "Oriental". (The doors open and a ninja flips out from inside.) Ninja: (Chinese accent) Halt! Who dare approach The Golden Lotus Dragon? Blue: Oh, uh, we just wanna get some "cho mien". Ninja: Not just anyone may eat here. Our chow mein is for kung fu winners only. Blue: (to Pink) Maybe I said it wrong. (To the ninja) Um, is there a wait or could we just get a table for two? Ninja: Foolish! If you want our treasure, you have to go through me! (He punches Blue, who lands a few yards back. Pink runs to his aid.) Pink: Blue, oh, my God, are you okay? Blue: What the hell! Pink: Maybe we should go somewhere else. Blue: No way. (Gets up and walks back up to the ninja.) I'm gonna teach this street-tough a lesson. Pink: Oh, Blue, you're so brave. Blue: Hey, buddy, what's the big idea-- (Off-screen, the ninja punches him back again.) Ninja: Insolent dog! You think you can beat me? Blue: Oh, okay. (Gets up and walks back.) You're really starting to annoy me-- (Gets punched back again. He gets up to walk back.) Seriously, we just want some "cho mie--" (Gets punched back again. A second ninja grabs Pink and walks toward the restaurant with her.) Pink: Aah! What the hell! Blue: Pink! You assholes, let her go! ...Please? (The second ninja takes her inside.) Pink: Blue, help me! First Ninja: (laughs) Chow mein of The Golden Lotus Dragon is for kung fu winners only. And since your fighting is weak like wet noodles, we shall take your girlfriend until you are worthy. (He disappears into the restaurant and the doors shut.) Blue: Noooooooooooooooooooo! (Time lapse. Blue runs into his apartment.) Red: (looking in the bathroom mirror) ''This is one staring contest you're gonna lose, dumbass. ''(Growls.) Blue: (off-screen) Red! (Red flinches, then laughs.) Red: (to his reflection) Suck it! (Blue enters the bathroom.) Blue: Dude, I need your help. I was at The Golden Lotus Dragon with Pink and these dudes jumped down, beat the shit out of me and kidnapped her and I don't know what to do. (Red puts his hand over Blue's mouth and shushes him.) Red: Did you say... (voice rising) The Golden Lotus Dragon?! Blue: And these freakin' thugs were-- (Red groans.) Red: That place has the best chow mein in town! Dude, let's go get some. (Leaps out of the bathroom while Blue tries to contain himself.) (Time lapse. Red and Blue approach the restaurant. The two ninjas are standing in front of the doors. They strike kung fu poses.) Red: Outta the way! I'm gettin' chooow mein! Ninja #1: Only kung fu winners may pass and feast upon our super yummy chow mein. Red: (scoffs) Yeah, right! You best move your butts before they get kicked by my kung fu. (Makes ninja noises.) Ninja #1: (softly) You are making a grave mistake. (Both ninjas charge at Red, who is prepared. The first ninja gets beat down by Red as does the second ninja. More ninjas flee out of the restaurant. Some of them run past Red while others are beat down and torn apart by him. Blue stands and watches the action. Red uses a leg from one of the ninjas to strike and decapitate them. Blue stomps on a dead ninja's head. Red's eyes glow blue and yellow and a blue ring erupts from him, decapitating the rest of them. Blue kicks the dead ninja. One more ninja charges out. Red turns to him, leans back, and punches him back into the restaurant. Red and Blue run inside. The owner, Shi Ba, sits in a throne surrounded by more ninjas. One of them is restraining Pink.) Blue: Pink! Pink: Blue, you came! Shi Ba: (Chinese accent) Oh, so you defeated my men, but that does not make you a kung fu winner. Red: I don't know what you're talkin' about, crazy man, but I'm gonna beat you up till you bleed soy sauce. Shi Ba: Oh, we shall see 'bout that. (He and Red charge at each other and fight. Shi Ba pushes Red several yards back, but Red charges back at him, climbs onto a table and jumps off. Shi Ba does flips before jumping up high. Both fight in the air, but Red knocks Shi Ba into the floor. Shi Ba uses his long mustache to throw Red into the floor. Red throws a chair at Shi Ba, who blocks it, using a table. Shi Ba throws the table at Red, who blocks it, using Blue. Red throws Blue at Shi Ba, who punches him away. Red's eyes glow blue as he forms a blue ball of energy. He uses it against Shi Ba, leaving him a skeleton. He falls to the floor, his flesh restored.) Red: Where's your chow mein?! I'm, like, stupid hungry now! Shi Ba: You-- You are truly a kung fu winner. Here, take this. (Holds up the chow mein.) You... have earned it. (Red gasps and takes it.) It's the last bowl. (Passes out.) Red: Swee-hee-hee-hee-hee-teh. (Blue and Pink, holding hands, approach Red.) Blue: Can we have some? (Long pause.) Red: Bong pi fu! (Chinese for "Fuck off!") -Episode ends- Blue: (softly) Oh, man, that looks... so delicious. Dick Figures Title Trivia *The ending song used is a piano cover of "Scary Monsters and Nice Sprites" by Dubstep artist Skrillex. However, this version was sang by Lord Tourettes. *Unlike the credits at the end of the season finale of Season One and Two, when it shows the voice cast, all of the voice actors names are colored in the colors of the characters that were voiced in this season, so that we know which actor voices who. *After the Season 3 credits, when Season 4 is announced, Lord Tourettes (off-screen) says "YES! OH, MY FUCKING GOD!" *This is Shi Ba's second appearence. *Red knows Kung Fu better than the ninjas'. This is because he either trained with Raccoon (who of course is an Asian character) or spent too much time in his body inBrain swBrain Switch. *This episode is similar to the Dragon Ball Z series. This is shown when Red fires the Hadouken. *Red is able to speak Chinese. *This episode also surprisingly doesn't have the Raccoon, despite the character being Asian, for this episode does mostly take place at an Asian restaurant. However, the place is a Chinese restaurant and the Raccoon is Japanese. *Red's quote: "I don't know what you're talkin' about, crazy man, but I'm gonna beat you up till you bleed soy sauce!" is similar to what he said to Blue in Brain Switch: "I don't know what you're talkin' about, but I'm gonna go find a dragon. Peace." *Technically, the laser Red threw at Shi Ba is not Kung fu, meaning Red isn't really a Kung Fu Winner. Recurring Gags Auto-Tune Use *None Red Floating *When he went up to the air to hit the owner and throw him down. Episode Ending *The ending shows Red and Blue doing Kung-fu moves The Last Line Being Cut *None. Video thumb|left|400px Category:Episodes Category:Season 3